Funeral Verses Deliver Comfort
During a Time of Grief

On September 19, 2009, my parents 67th wedding anniversary, my Dad died unexpectedly, following a bicycling accident. He was 87 years young and 2-3 times a week he would ride anywhere from 20-40 miles along a trail in Duluth, Minnesota.

He loved life, family, and the great outdoors. I thank God that I had the opportunity to talk with him the night before he passed away.

Here's a photo of our close family

I had the honor of delivering my Dad's Eulogy on September 22, 2009 and would like to share it with those who also have lost a loved one or friend.

Here is the message in its entirety...

I want to sincerely thank all of you, Father Bill, Chico, my family and all of our friends for being here today to celebrate the life of my dad, Bob Smith.

He was known to us as Bob, Robert, R.J., husband, dad, Papa, brother, uncle, friend, chief, and “negotiator”. I'll explain “negotiator” in a minute.

It's an honor for me to share this message with you and I'm so proud to carry my Dad's name, as the eldest of six children.

On a number of occasions I've either been told directly or I've been in conversation with people who have commented on the closeness of our family.

Dad had important values he lived by and wanted to exemplify. Honesty, fairness, integrity, discipline, and persistence were at the top of his list, but most importantly, was closeness of family.

I know that I can speak for Mark, Pat, Colleen, Larry, and Greg when I say that we truly thank him for giving us these priceless life principles.

All of us have such great memories of Dad.

I thought it would be appropriate to share some of these special family stories with you today.

I'll start with Mom who most of you know as Gin, Mom, or Nanny.

Her fondest memory was of Dad returning from World War II. He served four years with the Marines and in the major campaigns of Iwo Jima, Guam, the Philippines, and Okinawa. It wasn't long after, that I came into the world followed by my five siblings.

The next message is my memory of Dad.

My greatest memory of Dad occurred in the fall of 2008. Although we were raised christian, I never knew if Dad had a personal relationship with God, so I asked him one day. He responded but his message wasn't clear. That same year, my parents joined my wife, Marilyn, and me for Thanksgiving at our home in Colorado. During dinner I quoted a prayer from a pastor who was largely responsible for transforming our lives and for bringing us close to God. At the end of dinner, Dad asked me, “What was the name of that pastor you mentioned?” Again, the next day, he asked me the same question. At that time I knew where he stood with God. With his enthusiasm, I subscribed him to a booklet loaded with biblical messages on coping with life challenges. Then, Marilyn and I gave my parents and easy-to-read Bible that we both read daily. After they returned home, Mom told me how much Dad enjoyed reading his daily Bible messages. I finally realized that he had become a follower of Christ.

Here is a memory from Mark.

Dad and Mom were always invited to and included in any events that occurred, including First Communions, confirmations, graduations, sport events, grandparents days at school, and even Super Bowl parties. Even though we didn't live nearby, they always made every attempt to attend. They went to Wisconsin, Michigan, Texas, and South Carolina to attend our kids' graduations. The most recent graduation was when Adam graduated from The Citadel. Mom was unable to come because of a recent surgery, but Dad said he wouldn't miss it. Upon graduating, Adam would become a 2nd Lieutenant in the U.S. Army. The Citadel had a special ceremony and candidates could choose someone to participate who had served in the U.S. Armed Forces. This was the person who would give the candidate their first salute. Adam chose Papa for this honor. In a moving ceremony it was quite touching to see Papa proudly walk out and give Adam the first salute. He was very honored and pleased that Adam had chosen him. We were thrilled that Dad would be so dedicated to family that he would travel from Minnesota to South Carolina for a Single Salute.

The following memory comes from Pat.

Robert Kennedy's eulogy by his brother, Ted, in 1968, has always been an inspiration for me. I have taken some quotes and ideas from it for this memorial. The last several years Dad has been riding his bicycle on long rides, two to three times per week. It was a source of relief for his chronic back pain. But he also enjoyed it because of his love of the outdoors and nature. At times we were concerned because he had a habit of not eating or drinking before or during his rides. With two nurses in the family and a wife with considerable knowledge in nutritional health, we approached Dad to tell him he should be more attentive to his diet and hydration while bicycling. His response was, “I was a camel in the South Pacific in the war, and I'm a camel now.”

At 87, who could argue with what worked for him.

Dad was intensely determined and he love life completely and lived it that way. He had a deep loyalty, devotion, and respect for his wife of 67 years, Virginia. His sense of family and community are what we are here to celebrate today. Love, as well as trust, loyalty, and joy, cannot be easily defined but Dad was all of these.

As a ten year-old, during the 1960 presidential campaign, I remember Dad bringing us to see a speech by John F. Kennedy. We had to get there early and I remember the wait was incredibly boring. But when the speech began, I knew something special was about to happen. It had to be special because of Dad's intense scrutiny of the event and because we were out late on a school night. That night, and the excitement it brought was the revelation of Dad's sense of community involvement. It was indeed our responsibility to get involved in our community and country and to make changes for a better world.

Dad led by example. He wasn't a man that was comfortable carrying the conversation. He was direct, succinct, and would challenge one to prove his or her point. He wasn't shy about speaking out, but he wasn't comfortable drawing attention to himself. There were few shades of gray in his world and at times that was a source of conflict for me. He was always there, though, in the end to make sure all was right. It was that expression of love from him that I grew to appreciate. Not love as it's described in popular magazines, but the kind that is affection, respect, encouragement, and support. As his children, our awareness of this was a huge source of strength. And because real love is something unselfish and involves sacrifice and giving, we could not help but profit from it. He gave us strength in times of trouble, wisdom in times of uncertainty, and sharing in times of unhappiness. He will always be by our side.

Dad would never want us to memorialize him into something that he wasn't, on earth. He would want to be remembered as a simple, decent man who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw something broken and tried to fix it, and who saw someone in need and tried to help them.

I'd like to end with a short poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson entitled, Definition of Success.

“To laugh, often and much.
To win respect of intelligent people,
And the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child,
A garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.”

Our dad was a huge success!

Colleen has a special letter to Dad who he called, “Sis”.

My Dad taught me to fish and it's become my favorite past time. I have many fishing memories with Dad but the most recent one that comes to mind is a couple of years ago, fishing on our lake when we hit the “mother lode” of crappies – catching one right after the other. I'm bringing in a huge crappie and we didn't bring a net with us so I just lifted up my pole with hopes to quickly fling the fish into the boat. I just about had it in the boat and it came off and swam away. So now Dad has to tell me, “you never bring in a fish that way. You'll lose it every time. So after the little lecture he gave me, he gets a huge fish on so now I'm waiting to see how he's gonna land his. I don't think he knew I was watching but he tried to bring the fish in the same way I did and he lost it. The moral of the story, ALWAYS LISTEN TO DAD REGARDLESS OF WHAT HE DOES!

Thank you Dad for teaching me unconditional love and the importance of loyalty to family. You taught me the meaning of true friendships, to be kind, and to help others in need, as you did. You taught me to work hard and never to expect anything in return. You gave great advice and a shoulder to lean on. You were an inspiration to everyone that had the opportunity to know and love you. You touched so many lives in different ways. Your kind and gentle ways, as well as your skills to negotiate, live on in each of us kids. I'm so proud to call you my Dad, my friend, and my fishing buddy. I love you, Dad!

Larry has a memory for you from Dad The Negotiator.

We all learned the refined skill of negotiating from our father. One story that fully displays his true capabilities was when he purchased his Mitsubishi Diamante station wagon. Dad identified the car on the lot of a local car dealer and started the negotiation process (without Mom, of course, because he would not want her to get too emotionally attached to the vehicle, especially the color). He offered a serious “low ball” number to see how the salesman would react. The offer was around $15,000 on a car valued between $25,000-$30,000. He would then proceed to stalk the car lot every week for about 9-12 months, keeping firm on his $15,000 offer. Comments like, “is the Mitsubishi still here? It's starting to cost you a lot of money holding that inventory.” were just wearing the salesman down. At the end of the 12-month negotiation, the salesman closed the deal at $15,823.72. His comments at the closing were, “Mr. Smith, I would rather go to prison, instead of negotiating with you again.” We found a Polaroid picture with the “thank you” note from the dealer that had a caption at the bottom having my parents identified as Bonnie and Clyde.

The next memory comes from Greg, the youngest of us kids.

Dad was an avid deer hunter and did so for many, many years with his lifelong friend, John. One year Dad and John were sitting on Dad's deer stand and along came a huge ten -point buck. Dad and John both got ready and shot at the deer at the same time and the deer went down. They got the deer back to camp and it was discovered that the deer had only one wound that brought it down. Both Dad and John were laying claim to getting the deer, and at the end of the weekend, Mark brought the deer home and “found” the bullet in the deer. So to show that Dad got the deer, Mark got out his engraver and put the initials RJS onto a bullet and brought it back to camp the next weekend to “prove” that it was Dad's bullet that got the deer. We all had a lot of laughs about that, and deer hunting camp is one of the many great memories that I will cherish in memory of Dad.

The final memory is from Dad's brother, Jim.

My memory is a more recent event occurring a few years ago at a New Year's Eve party hosted at the house of some friends. Bob was sitting in front of a player piano that was playing some very lively honky-tonk, JoAnn Castle-type music. He was moving his hands and fingers over the keys like he was actually playing the piano. My wife, Muz, and I were sitting at the other end of the room, a short distance away, and it did look like he was playing the piano. She made the comment that she didn't know that Bob could play the piano. Then, someone yelled out, “Would you believe he never had a lesson!” Dad and Mom raised six energetic and challenging children. We often wonder how they survived some of the events that occurred over the years. I can assure you, God gave both of them a real test, especially from the three oldest. I know in my heart that Dad left this physical world at peace, free of the tears, pain, and fears that, at times, make their presence known in all of us. We'll all join Dad some day as part of the Master Plan that God has created for every human. Until that time comes, let's all enjoy every precious moment Our Creator gives us. Life is so fragile and short.

In closing I'd like to read a short poem by Russell Kelfer. It goes like this:

"You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what He wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason.
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!”

Thanks everyone for joining us today and celebrating the life of Robert Joseph Smith

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